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Why do opposites attract?
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A relationship expert and author gets to the bottom of why opposites attract.
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By Daniela Payne
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He likes it cold and you like it hot. He is organized and you can't find anything. He likes to go out and you like to stay in. Despite the differences between you and your partner and the odd disagreement about whose job it is to take out the trash, the two of you get along like two peas in a pod. Have you ever wondered why opposites attract?
Dr. Paul Dobransky, author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love, (Penguin Group, 2007), provides insights into why you and Mr. Right hit it off despite those many little differences and explains why opposite personalities can create the most intense connection.
Personal views vs. personality style
When investigating why opposites attract, it's important to know the difference between personal views and personality style.
Dr. Dobransky explains that your personal views reflect how you feel. It could be your desires about raising children, your religion, your values and life goals.
He emphasizes that people need to have a similar outlook on more serious issues. "Having solid boundaries, which guarantee mutual respect, and making sure BEFORE ever getting deep into a relationship that the core issues of life are very close in agreement, partners will not have to worry about opposing views threatening their relationship," he says.
However, having an opposing personality type to your partner can make for a fabulous relationship.
Personality style differs from one's views or belief system. "A shy person plus an outgoing person are a great match when they agree on politics, religion and life goals," says Dr. Dobransky.
But your money habits can be a major obstacle to relationship bliss. "A spendthrift plus a shop-a-holic are a terrible match no matter what personality style they bring to the table," Dr Dobransky explains. "They will always conflict over where they want to go in life, and teamwork is an impossibility."
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