Most like it hot
People who come across as warm are typically viewed as less threatening than their aloof or cold counterparts. But what does it mean to be "warm"?
To understand the elements of body language that send these "temperature" messages, researchers videotaped participants as they engaged in a five-minute conversation with someone. They asked each participant to rate how warm or cold they thought they came across, Then they showed a silent videotape of the interaction to others, "the observers," and asked them to rate the conversationalists in the same way.
For observers, the body language that indicated warmth was showing physical attention, smiling, and nodding. The body language that indicated coldness was not attending to others, not smiling, and extending their leg (while seated).
Interestingly, the people being rated didn't see these behaviors as indicating coldness in themselves. They had no idea that they were seen that way.
So, you may want to pay attention to your temperature signals. Others may judge you as cold, even though you don't feel that way, or intend to send that message. And then people may respond to you negatively, while you remain what the researchers call "unpleasantly mystified" by these reactions.
The spotlight illusion
When among strangers, we may at times overestimate the impact of the details of our appearance. Because we know ourselves so well, we might feel self-conscious about slight differences in how we look. We might feel unattractive because our hair is a bit flat or we are wearing the wrong shoes, and think others are focused on these "flaws" too. But are we correct in our estimates of how others view us? The answer is: probably not.
Researchers have looked at whether people accurately assess the extent to which others take note of details of their appearance. In one study, participants were asked to wear T-shirts with images that they felt proud of or embarrassed by (such as a picture of Barry Manilow), and then walk into a roomful of strangers. They were then asked to estimate the percentage of people who would remember the image on their T-shirt after they left the room. The results showed that the participants consistently overestimated the number of people who recalled their T-shirt image.
In other words, people assume that the details of their appearance are more memorable and remarkable to others than they actually are. The researchers concluded, "People tend to believe that the social spotlight shines more brightly on them than it really does."
Your body and your status
People communicate their status to others through their body language. If someone feels himself to be in a superior position to others, he will probably display different body language than if he feels inferior.
Psychologists studied this phenomenon by assigning unacquainted participants to be "teacher" or "student" and then observed their behavior. Those in the higher-status role of teacher took up more space with their bodies, talked more, tried to interrupt more, and touched and pointed more than did their lower-status conversational partner. When the roles were reversed, and the teacher became the student to the same person, their body-language patterns changed to reflect their new status.
So, you may be showing others how you feel about yourself, and how you feel about them, just by the way you move and use space.
 | Excerpted from First Impressions: What You Don't Know About How Others See You by Ann Deamarais, Ph.D., and Valerie White, Ph.D. copyright 2004 by Bantam Books. Excerpted, with permission by Bantam Books. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. |
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