Laugh out loud with reflections on what it's really like to be a mom.
By Paulette Bourgeois
I have mixed feelings about Mother's Day. The sentiments in greeting cards elevate me from a drudge who nags about wet towels on the bathroom floor to near sainthood. But there's a flip side, too: I question whether I am the most wonderful mother in the world and usually come up short. After 20 years of raising kids, I've concluded that all newborns should come with a label that reads "handle with care," and all new mothers should be warned about the 10 myths of motherhood.
1. You will think your newborn baby is beautiful. Most babies look like Winston Churchill. My first baby was born early so she had thin blue skin, no hair and weighed just over five pounds. It might have been the anesthetic, but I thought she looked like the chicken I'd bought at Loblaws the week before. Still, I was utterly smitten.
2. You will have unconditional love for your children. This is easiest when the kids smell like talcum powder and snuggle into your arms. But sometimes you have to close all the windows so neighbours don't hear you yelling after they've sent the terrified dog down the laundry chute.
3. You will raise your boys and girls without stereotypes. Even if your five-year-old daughter has a toy box filled with trucks, she will insist on being a princess on Halloween night. Your son who bakes cookies will dress up as a superhero who battles evil.
4. You will never do your children's homework. At 11 p.m. the night before the erupting volcano project is due, and your child is sobbing, you will whip up a batch of plaster of paris and go out for baking soda and red food dye without complaint.
5. You will respect your child's privacy -- until your daughter gets a postcard from a cute boy at camp.
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