Perhaps, like Sue, you feel vaguely dissatisfied but unable to identify exactly why. And indeed, says Earle, the first step in active satisfaction is to conduct an honest self-assessment. At the institute, Earle gives clients a 25-item questionnaire asking them to describe the amount of return or satisfaction they feel they are getting in five key areas: mental or emotional well-being; physical health; social life; financial affairs; and work, whether it's in or out of the home. For clients who are open to it, Earle adds another area: spirituality or faith, which he believes is key for many of us to really feel nourished and engaged.
Misplaced concerns
After completing the questionnaire, people often discover that although they thought their issues lay in one area -- work, for example -- their disengagement really has its roots elsewhere, perhaps in a mismatched volunteer activity or material expectations.
Sue didn't fill out such a questionnaire. Her life assessment and ensuing transformation were brought about as she worked with a life coach. It made Sue think about how she was living her life. "I found out there was a lot more that I needed to deal with than getting fit," she says. "I realized I wasn't living, I was just doing," or zooming right past what Laurel Vespi, her life coach, called "moments of mindfulness" that can give meaning to even routine or mundane activities.
Savour the mundane
Vespi asked Sue to start concentrating on living in the moment for several minutes, three times a day, and to be mindful even during routine tasks such as making meals. In doing so, Sue got a glimpse of what her life could become. One morning she focused not on the tedium of the bus ride to work but instead on absorbing the atmosphere around her. She inhaled the scent of a fellow passenger's exquisite perfume and felt the comforting warmth of the bus on the cool day. Suddenly, what was merely her mode of transport to work had become part of a day worth savouring. "You can find something to enjoy even in things you don't like," explains Sue.
Earle applies this philosophy in his own life. For instance, he will take advantage of a mundane errand to invite his wife to accompany him. The drive gives the couple time to talk alone with few distractions. Earle focuses on how much he is enjoying her company and the here-and-now, rather than on nagging problems at the office.
Self-assessment questionnaires help you to find such moments of fulfilment in your life, says Earle, adding that once an individual fills one out, he will ask her to identify feelings she wishes she had, such as peace of mind or a sense of accomplishment. Then he encourages the woman to picture herself completing activities that will lead to such feelings. These activities are usually small and imminently doable: making a phone call or sending her brother a birthday card. "You'd be amazed at how those actions add up to create a sense of greater nourishment," says Earle. With that feeling of competency under your belt, the next step is to determine the kinds of experiences or encounters that inspire your passions or make you feel good (what Earle calls "satisfiers") and seek them out.
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